June 2016
First of all, thank you.
Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for the kisses, the hugs, the smiles and the laughs. Thank you for the screams and the cries. At my lowest and tired moments, I become unappreciative for what you’ve given me… And that is the gift of, motherhood.
There are days, when I want to trade those minutes, hours for my old life – my office life. Where I remember the routine: sitting down at my desk, catching up on emails, attending meetings, writing training manuals, designing programs, socializing, strategizing on how I can move up, get my adrenaline pumping for next idea for the next project…and essentially, care about-myself. I know it’s selfish. It feels illusory when I type the words, but it was all about me and that was rewarding to me. There was a numerical value on the work I do and knew that every pay check day I was rewarded for my hard work. And every few weeks or months, I would accomplish my goals and see numerical results for my successes. It was tangible. It was what I was taught through life… to study countless hours to attain the diploma(s) so I can have a life-supporting career that will define me and make me a better person that fit with society.
So I thought…
I never knew being a mom would be a game-changer. To me, Life and Work is like chess. A competitive game with different levels of hierarchies (like society) and situations are put each time you make a decision or move in your life. Life/Work/Chess is playing strategically to get to the next reward, next project, there’s no manual (if you do this, and this, and you will guarantee a win), there is no equation that will land you to the same answer. Motherhood, NO. Nothing. Every situation, every single child is different. However some children manuals are starting to pop up now– sleep guidelines, or what to do for toddler tantrums, or how to potty train your child etc. You can follow them, but the end results are never the same and vary for each child.
Motherhood is not an equation where you’ll get the same answer each time, for every child and for every mom.
…and that’s okay…
Stepping into this 10-role-in-one is nuts but rewarding at the same time. It’s difficult to recognize at times but it’s there. Getting through the day tear-free, tantrum-free, regardless of an untidy home with a mountain of unfolded laundry, it’s a complete utter victory! It’s even a big reward when you hear laughter, see smiles, and your child says, “mommy, thank you for playing with me, I had a nice day today!” “Mommy I love you SO much!” “Mama, sit with me, I miss you.”
Developmental milestones are the pay checks I get in motherhood and these heart-felt words are the bonuses.
At times I forget the meaning of the word “career” so here’s a reminder.
ca·reer kəˈrir/
noun
1 1. an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.(Oxford dictionary)
The hard work at home in moulding a human being and being able to create a happy and loving haven for them is the (unconventional) career I’ve chosen for the time being. It’s mentally and physically taxing but the positive benefits outweighs everything else.
I wouldn’t change it any other way.